Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
