If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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