I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
We need a shit load of segways right now
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
