Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize