At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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