it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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