he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you inspire me to be a worse person
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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