Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
