I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
