I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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