I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
