I think my vagina is haunted
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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