it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
