he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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