Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
