Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You took a bar mat shot.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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