"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
