margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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