she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
