I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
