You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
