someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize