If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
