I wanna bring you to show and tell
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize