i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
