Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
