I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
