College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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