in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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