He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I had to cum in my sink.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
