Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
