respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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