Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
