I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
