forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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