thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
