hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
