Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize