If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
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