I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
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