Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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