Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
