these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
