I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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