nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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