i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
