Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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