what if every blade of grass was a penis?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
