My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
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