He disabled his match.com account in front of me
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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