I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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