I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Everyone says I win the strip club
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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