Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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