Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
