Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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