if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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