Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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