so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I did not marry a roomba.
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