ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Im part way to drunk.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
