woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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