So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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