yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize