I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
