HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
