Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize
