An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
