I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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