I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
