1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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