its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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