Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
